Why is a man different from a computer?
You only have to tell the computer once.
You only have to tell the computer once.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Three men were standing side-by-side using the urinal.
The first man finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands ... clear up to his elbows ... He used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented: "I graduated from Harvard and they taught us to be clean."
The second man finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented: "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The third man zipped up and as he was walking out the door he had a smirk on his face and said: "I don't know about you guys, but where I went to college, they taught us not to piss on our hands."
The first man finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands ... clear up to his elbows ... He used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented: "I graduated from Harvard and they taught us to be clean."
The second man finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented: "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The third man zipped up and as he was walking out the door he had a smirk on his face and said: "I don't know about you guys, but where I went to college, they taught us not to piss on our hands."
The vector was walking down cartesian drive when he bumped into a confused Scalar.
The vector asked him what was wrong and he replied, "Help I have no direction."
The vector asked him what was wrong and he replied, "Help I have no direction."
Unix *is* user friendly. It is not ignorant-friendly and idiot-friendly.
What did God say after creating Adam?
I can do better.
I can do better.
A blonde girl comes rushing home to her mum and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only count to 3 but I can count to 5. Look - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Does that mean I am special mummy?"
"Yes dear it does."
The next day the blonde girl comes running in again and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only say the alphabet from A to C but I can go until E. Look - A, B, C, D, E. Does that mean I am special mummy?"
"Yes dear it does."
The next day the blonde girl comes rushing home and says "Mummy mummy! Today at school we were getting changed for physical excercises and all the other girls had really flat chests but I had these ...!" She opens her blouse and reveals a humungous pair of DD breasts. "Is it because I am special mummy?"
"No dear it's because you are 25."
"Yes dear it does."
The next day the blonde girl comes running in again and says: "Mummy mummy! Today at school everyone could only say the alphabet from A to C but I can go until E. Look - A, B, C, D, E. Does that mean I am special mummy?"
"Yes dear it does."
The next day the blonde girl comes rushing home and says "Mummy mummy! Today at school we were getting changed for physical excercises and all the other girls had really flat chests but I had these ...!" She opens her blouse and reveals a humungous pair of DD breasts. "Is it because I am special mummy?"
"No dear it's because you are 25."
Little Johnny: "Mummy, mummy, does a lemon have a beak?"
Mum: "No it doesn't my son."
Little Johnny: "Oops, so it was a canary that I squeezed ..."
Mum: "No it doesn't my son."
Little Johnny: "Oops, so it was a canary that I squeezed ..."
No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man. The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day ...
Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.
The game warden told him that this was illegal.
The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said "Are you going to fish or talk?"
Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.
The game warden told him that this was illegal.
The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said "Are you going to fish or talk?"
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing.
"Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked,
"Do you swallow?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.
"Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.
"I swallow! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
"Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked,
"Do you swallow?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.
"Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.
"I swallow! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
